People Porn

“Charming, Chiseled, Channing Tatum: SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!” It didn’t take me 3 seconds to pull that one off the rack and toss it in my basket at Wal-Mart last week. I’m not gonna lie, the naughty side of me was hoping there’d be a sealed section, a rated R kind of page, because I knew long before Magic Mike came along that Channing Tatum is everything I’d like wrapped around the stripper pole in my bedroom! We might as well rename People Magazine “Mommy Porn” this week. There is some inspiration inside those pages folks!

It’s a pretty big deal that I’d even buy the magazine at all, considering my disgruntled view of Cosmo has turned me into one of those people who thumbs through at the check-out, then puts it back on the rack. Totally not my fault, I was a loyal buyer until it dawned on me that these magazines are regurgitating the same things week after week, slapping a new picture between endless advertisements and calling it the latest and greatest.

I thought surely that would change when I put Cosmo on blast. I was fully expecting them to call me up and say “hey we read your blog and we’re ready for you to help us!” I would have too! I wasn’t ready to turn my back on the very pages that taught me how to give the perfect blow-job and entertain a crowd at the same time. Continue reading

Advertisements

Lookin’ for trouble

I think I’m looking for trouble, or maybe trouble is looking for me. I used to love my cable guy. I called in more trouble tickets than anyone in town, but who could blame me? He was adorable. He’d come over, fix the cable, give my kids guitar lessons, help me with the yard work, and tackle anything not-cable-related on my to-do list with a smile on his face. I’d gladly serve him sweet tea and fix him a plate of supper. I can’t tell you how many times my hubby came home to find me all smiles while staring at this delicious 25 year old. Then one day, he got a better job, and happy as I was for him, I was never as satisfied with my cable again. Continue reading