Damn Me

I miss you. In the depth of my soul I ache for you. I question the road you chose and wonder why it led you so far away. I miss the smell of your chest pressed against mine. I miss the taste of your kiss- I’m not even supposed to remember that, but I long for the safety of your smile, the comfort of your voice, the complete lack of judgment that made me feel like someone truly knew me and loved me anyway…

I told you to choose her. I know it was the right thing to do but it hurts me still, knowing you were packing to leave. You were sitting there, completely vulnerable, ready to choose me- and we could have wrapped each other in love and understanding, and I told you to go back home. I chose misery to avoid the complications of explaining my twisted heart.  Continue reading

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Get a Grip

So the Pawn Star guy had that surgery to lose his extra pounds and for some reason he thinks that gives him permission to get touchy feely. Um, hello, just because I got a sexy new bra and the girls are quite perky today doesn’t mean you can cop a feel. You can cop a stare, but keep your hands to yourself. Unless of course you’re Channing Tatum, then by all means, dive right in!

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I used to be amused by my Pawn Star’s blatant flirting, but he really needs to get a grip because he’s gotten on my very last nerve recently. I caught him FB stalking my teenager daughter. I mean he is commenting half her posts and the other day he actually had the nerve to tell me how sexy she is. I’m not gonna lie, I have one helluva beautiful daughter, but a man as old as her father has no right commenting on it. It would be different had he said “your daughter is a beautiful young lady”, but no, he said “send her over here and I’ll show her the ropes”. So, in true “Mama Bear” fashion, I offered to stab him in the nuts with a screwdriver if he ever thought of her again.He chuckled, but I can’t wait to visit him in ten more years. I’m sure he’ll still be managing that same ole pawn shop when his daughters become teenagers, and even though they share his genes, I pray they turn out gorgeous just so he can fully understand the line he crossed.

I’m not having fun being the town flirt anymore. And I’m not having fun sitting at home with my husband either. My teenage son wears this T’shirt from vacation that says “YOLO”, well if that’s the motto these days, I have certainly lost a few opportunities.

Is it too late to go back and live my life over? I think everyone should spend a week or two as the party girl slut just for the memories. I’ve been the settled down sweetheart all my life, and now I’m bored out of my head. And angry too. I can’t seem to forgot how many nights my husband left me home alone and didn’t take part in raising this family. Recently I was very ill and all I could think was “I’ve wasted so much time not being me…”

This morning he said “let me hold you, I miss you.” I said “I used to miss you too, but I’m over it, you should get over it too….”

So much for an epic love story. I don’t know if there are any chapters left to write….