My heart is hurting. Why oh why did I try to spend Memorial Day with “family”? When will I ever learn?
I went to a BBQ at my mother’s house. After she had cancer and suffered the loss of her husband we started to rebuild a relationship. But it’s fragile. There are subjects we still have to dance around carefully.
They call me the abrasive one. I’m the know-it-all. I think I’m superior to everyone else.
Right, of course I am.
They are the victims of my sharp tongue and I just say these things out of the blue.
Last night I couldn’t sleep. It’s funny, you spend months telling someone you don’t want to share a bed with them anymore, and finally they aren’t sleeping next to you and the house is lost in an eery silence. I was mopping the floor at 2am, trying to decide what do I do with this life, and wondering if I really do want to give up and start over, and I asked myself “why did you love him in the first place?”
That’s been our trick to getting through the toughest times. Every marriage goes through those days when you’re broke and the phone is ringing over and over and it’s not the people you love calling, it’s the people who want you to squeeze blood out of turnips. Then there are the years when you don’t think you can stomach finding another boogar under the seat of your car. And then there are the arguments about whether she is old enough to be wearing make-up or if he should be doing dishes too by now and whether they can spend a weekend at your parents house and why you didn’t get to the bank on time…