Be the Bigger Bitch

I grew up hearing that in life, you have to be the bigger person. You have to be the better person. But life has taught me there is no truth to this. The truth is, you have to be the bigger bitch.

When you were in high school, who was the most popular girl? She wasn’t that sweet girl who gave her lunch tray to some kid who couldn’t afford one. She wasn’t that kind-hearted girl who volunteered at the old folks home. She was the biggest bitch in the hallway, and you know it.

Why does the biggest bitch do the best? It’s simple, she doesn’t take anyone’s crap. No one’s! In fact, she dares people to cross her, and that my friends is why she ruled the hallway.

We all think we will grow up and high school will go away, but that’s not true either. It follows you. The biggest bitch in the hallway becomes the biggest bitch in your office. She’s the one who gets promoted despite the fact that her work is inferior to yours. Why? Because even your boss won’t dare to cross her.

My husband once told me that the person who holds the power in a relationship is the one who shows the least amount of love. At the time, he was young, recovering from a divorce, and I thought he was wrong to think such a thing. Twenty years later, I get it, even at home you can’t be that sweet young girl.

image courtesy of

image courtesy of

The problem is, the sweeter you are, the more people think they can take advantage of you. Help someone in a pinch, they start getting pinched more and more!

About a year ago, I was to the point that I felt like all people did was walk all over me. The more I tried to be supportive and helpful, the more I felt stabbed in the back! So, I found myself thinking back to that conversation years and years ago when my husband let me in on his little secret. At the time, we were barely dating and he was speaking of his ex-wife, but once I realized I could use his own advice against him, there was no turning back.

I had to learn how to choke back my tears. “Never let ’em see you sweat!” I had to learn that too. Sadly, it has worked. The meaner I am to my husband, the nicer he has become towards me. I reject him, he chases me. He sends me a text that says “I love you” and I text back, “Ok :)”, and he comes home with flowers.

Sure, I love being called beautiful ten times a day and I love that he suddenly admits that he couldn’t live without me, but why did I have to become the bigger bitch?

It’s not really my style to be so cold, but it’s true-

Hide your love, and everyone will work to find it. Show it freely, and no one will ever want to see.

The same does not hold true for cleavage, hide it and people forget you’ve got it. Show it, never buy your own drink again!





Digital Downer

So my cable company has decided to do away with all the analog channels in the name of progress. Fine. Just rip my heart out along with any chance my husband had of getting laid.

You see, my cable guy was a doll and he had hooked me up with the best premium channel package there was! And I waited each week for Thursday night to roll around so I could check out my favorite Gigolos on Showtime.

gigoloI can’t help it if I secretly yearn for a few bad boys to entertain me from time to time. Continue reading

I’d rather be alone….

I’m so sick of superficial artificial fake-ass people. I swear I’d rather be home all by myself than constantly deal with fake friends, fake men, and drama I didn’t ask for. It’s pretty sad when you have 600 friends on Facebook and only two you’d trust with your heart.

A few weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night. My head was shaking. I can’t explain it very well, I can only say if felt like someone opened my skull, put their hand in my head, and shook my brain. I don’t know if my body was moving or not. I do know I wanted to cry for help. I wanted to wake my husband up, but I couldn’t speak. I could hear the words in my head, but I couldn’t get my mouth to move. I’m not sure if it was a seizure of some sort, but I know for the next week I was exhausted like never before and I had a headache I couldn’t shake. It was the scariest moment of my life. When my doctor said “you will be seeing me once a week until we figure this all out,” suddenly I realized, life really can be too short.

It was common knowledge around here that I was pretty sick, mainly because my husband is a big mouth, and I’m sad to say none of my Facebook followers bothered to check on me. People who used to claim they were my best friends couldn’t even muster a phone call. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe because I got sick of being the PTO President, Martha Stewart kind of mom I was known for being. Or maybe because I finally had too many things to do to keep helping everyone else with everything they needed, but sometimes I am shocked by the sheer audacity of some people.

One of these so called friends used to come to my house 3 or 4 nights a week. I cooked dinner for her family night after night. I treated her kids well, and I even ignored the fact that she thought riding on my husbands motorcycle meant she had some kind of chance to get in his pants. Then one day, I had a house to clean and kids to feed, and I quit lying to her about why she couldn’t get a man, and POOF, she was gone.

To be honest, I think the nail in the coffin was plain old jealously. I’ve got a husband and a blast from the past that loves me still, and she can’t get a guy to hang in there for six months. It’s easier to blame me that her own personality. I tried to tell her all it takes to get a man is a smile, a shirt that isn’t a black t’shirt everyday, and some cleavage. But she doesn’t like my advice, so she found a new best friend.

She still calls from time to time, but it’s always awkward. The day after I got out of the hospital I heard from her because she needed help with her computer. When I explained that I had just gotten out of the hospital, and couldn’t run into town to help her solve her problem, did she say “omg, are you ok?” No! She said “how ’bout tomorrow?”

I wonder when the world became so selfish? When did people stop honestly caring for one another? I wonder, how many people who say “I’m praying for you” actually fold their hands and whisper a prayer? Today, I’m thinking sincerity is lost on this world of ours, and that’s a bigger problem that gun control and terrorism put together…


Get a Grip

So the Pawn Star guy had that surgery to lose his extra pounds and for some reason he thinks that gives him permission to get touchy feely. Um, hello, just because I got a sexy new bra and the girls are quite perky today doesn’t mean you can cop a feel. You can cop a stare, but keep your hands to yourself. Unless of course you’re Channing Tatum, then by all means, dive right in!


I used to be amused by my Pawn Star’s blatant flirting, but he really needs to get a grip because he’s gotten on my very last nerve recently. I caught him FB stalking my teenager daughter. I mean he is commenting half her posts and the other day he actually had the nerve to tell me how sexy she is. I’m not gonna lie, I have one helluva beautiful daughter, but a man as old as her father has no right commenting on it. It would be different had he said “your daughter is a beautiful young lady”, but no, he said “send her over here and I’ll show her the ropes”. So, in true “Mama Bear” fashion, I offered to stab him in the nuts with a screwdriver if he ever thought of her again.He chuckled, but I can’t wait to visit him in ten more years. I’m sure he’ll still be managing that same ole pawn shop when his daughters become teenagers, and even though they share his genes, I pray they turn out gorgeous just so he can fully understand the line he crossed.

I’m not having fun being the town flirt anymore. And I’m not having fun sitting at home with my husband either. My teenage son wears this T’shirt from vacation that says “YOLO”, well if that’s the motto these days, I have certainly lost a few opportunities.

Is it too late to go back and live my life over? I think everyone should spend a week or two as the party girl slut just for the memories. I’ve been the settled down sweetheart all my life, and now I’m bored out of my head. And angry too. I can’t seem to forgot how many nights my husband left me home alone and didn’t take part in raising this family. Recently I was very ill and all I could think was “I’ve wasted so much time not being me…”

This morning he said “let me hold you, I miss you.” I said “I used to miss you too, but I’m over it, you should get over it too….”

So much for an epic love story. I don’t know if there are any chapters left to write….