I must say…

I must say I was a little embarrassed today when I made 2 confessions to my BFF. First, I have never given up anything for LENT. Not ever. I’m not particularly religious but I was raised in a Christian southern home where Bible thumping was mandated from time to time. But I don’t recall any of us ever having to choose something to give up. To be honest, I don’t think you should do it if you’re not gonna go all out and make a real sacrifice.

crossWhy say “I’m giving up cake” when you don’t even have cake all that often? That’s not hard to do. Now if you eat cake twice a day, I could see that as a sacrifice, but I think a lot of people pick something simple to give up and take the easy way out. That way, they can pretend they participated. I was pretty impressed by my friend. She has chosen to pray for people she doesn’t like for the next 40 days. Now that’s a challenge!

If I had to take that one on I’d have to start with my husband’s ex-wife. Now that I’ve done all the work of raising our daughter, she wants to come around and act as if I haven’t done the job right. Where was she 10 years ago when there was work to do? It has taken all my patience to keep from running over her with my car. I wonder if I could give up the ex-wife for Lent? I could use 40 days without her!

Maybe I could just give up the husband for 40 days! Now that would be interesting. Of course, instead of remembering the things Jesus gave up for me I might find myself getting into the kind of trouble that would land me in a confessional saying “Hail Mary’s” and begging the Priest to forgive me and I’m not even Catholic. I just have such a dirty mind I can’t seem to keep myself out of trouble.

Which brings me to the second part of this confession: this morning I woke up to a dream about the coach. Now remember, I have zero emotional attachment to the coach. I don’t harbor a crush on him at all. I am guilty of flirting with him, sure, but only because he’s fun to flirt with. He’s witty and intelligent and he knows the magic words that always work on me: “the girls are looking pretty sexy today!”

I can’t help it that I love cleavage. I can’t help it that most of my shirts show it off. Okay, I CAN help it, but I don’t want to. What is the point of having boobs if they can’t be used for entertainment? Don’t tell me they’re only purpose is to attach a baby to the nipple, I don’t buy that. God intended them to provide countless hours of fun, otherwise men would not be so drawn to them!

The dream was innocent enough, we were having a PG-13 make-out session when he stood up and kissed me goodbye and said “I love you.” YIKES, even in the dream that startled the shit out of me. I wouldn’t want him to say the L-word to me! In the dream I stood there trying to decide if I had to say it back. Lucky for me I woke-up before I muttered anything.

vdaySpeaking of the L-word, I guess tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I know, I’m so lucky I have a husband. Blah, blah, blah. That doesn’t mean I will get candy and flowers and chocolates. It never happens that way for me. Just once I’d like to be the girl sitting behind her desk when a big delivery comes and everyone watches as it stops in front of me. Just once!!

I know, I am loved and supported and I have a million things to be grateful for, but dammit, I just want some gigantic flowers and a balloon. Or a teddy bear, or maybe some strawberries dipped in chocolate. I want somebody to make the kids hide in their rooms while we have an enchanted evening. But somehow, I think it will end up more like sugar overload for the kids, which will leave them cranky. Dozens of unread Valentine’s Cards will litter the floor, and I will spend the day saying “put that cookie in the trash, you’ve had enough!”

But hey, a girl can dream, right? I guess that’s what I should be doing, dreaming… It’s way past my bedtime, but I’m afraid if I go to sleep the coach just might reappear. I’m not sure what to make of all that. Maybe I should just close my eyes and say “swing, batter batter” and see what happens…


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