Up the Ante

So I think it’s time to up the ante on my need for sexy attention. I think it’s time to lay a challenge before myself. So I lost 80 pounds, so what. I think I found 10 of them on Thanksgiving, but I’m not done with the transformation of this girl just yet. I think it’s time to take this game to the next level.

Monday I’m starting a new challenge called “Couch to 5K”. My best friend had to go and tell me about it. She wasn’t really fat, but I guess she was what some would call a chunky monkey and last year she walked it off until she turned herself into a hot mama. She even goes jogging these days so now she’s all “you can do it” and she’s the poster girl for “no pain, no gain…” Truthfully I’d rather a magic pill or a genie to grant me the wish of a Playboy bunny body, but let’s get real, I’m not gonna make it to Barbie size and nobody’s gonna pop out of a bottle and  turn me into the Supermodel that dwells within so I’m gonna get back in the saddle and take this horse for one more ride.

I need a crazy goal to keep me focused. Something totally out of the ordinary, so I have decided that I wanna get just sexy enough to do one of those “boudoir sessions”.  I wanna do my own Marilyn Monroe in the sheets photo shoot.

I’ve already got a boy toy who is dying to photograph me, as is. He loves my eyes, so that’s a start… now I just have to find a way to love my thighs! I’m thinking Couch to 5k could totally accomplish that!

Now that I’m much older than the first time I tortured myself trying to morph into someone I’m not, I’ve come to accept that I wasn’t meant to be some skinny little rail. I’ve got curves, and I’m gonna keep ’em, but that doesn’t mean I can’t end up as some stunning pin-up!

So now that I’ve put it out there in the bloggosphere I have no choice but to make it happen. I’m thinking once I’ve done this photo shoot I might just knock my husband’s socks clean off his feet. And if he doesn’t notice me, well, maybe I will just finally see for myself that I’m everything I need to be. Maybe I will finally be exactly what I want to be, and if he’s still not happy with me, well maybe I will stop making excuses not to let him leave, or let him go, whatever…

Maybe I don’t really need to have an affair to prove to myself that I am desired. I think the offers I’ve had recently might be enough to really show me that if I’m dying to do the bang bang boogie there are takers ready to stand in line, but the truth is, I want something more.

They say “treat her like a queen, she’ll treat you like a king. Treat her like a game, she’ll show you how it’s played.” I’m thinking it’s time to run the 5k, and then I’m gonna break out the hooker heels and ante up…

Deal me in, I wanna play the game!


8 thoughts on “Up the Ante

    • Oh there are plenty of men who love the Chunky Monkeys, TRUST ME! But now she FEELS like a hot mama, so that’s what makes her one. She could have been hot the other size, but she wasn’t happy with herself, and that right there is the key to all of it!

      • I am sexy. No doubt about it. I just have some work to do… but I’m no ugly duckling. There is a lot of truth in the fact that if you’re not happy with yourself you can’t be truly sexy… so suck your teeth all you want! Men, y’all just don’t get it until you get quite a bit older… but one day you’ll hit 40 and suddenly everything I say will make much more sense to you!


  1. Couch to 5k is an awesome program. I did it back in 2007 or 2008 and when I started, I could barely run for a minute straight. Fast forward a few years, and just last month I ran my first full marathon (42.2 k). Having a goal like that is so helpful when you’re not happy with something in your life. Good luck!

  2. You absolutey go for it. I don’t know where your weight is now, but I can tell you that the key to really good glamour pics is a very good photographer. Knowing how to pose you to hide flaws and take full advantage of your best attributes is what galmour photo is all about. Jus t being a good and willing photographer is not enough. How do you pose a larger leg so the thigh looks slimmer; how do you hide a protruding stomache while still showing your middle in the shot; how do you disguise a slight chin sag; how do you make gravity victimized or overly large breasts appear pert and lifted; did you remember to arch your foot, pose on pointed toe, gracefully drape you hand and fingers; smile without too much tooth and gum; is your hair and make-up done to perfection as well as the props and wardrobe; do you look good in what you are wearing or draping on your body; did they pick colors suitable for your complexion and hair color; etc?

    Having said all that, if you can’t come to the shoot with confidence and assertiveness, and the photog cannot pull it out of you, all the above is for naught. I have seen nudes of some very chunky girls that were stunning and very erotic because all of the above was met, but if you can’t bring it because you don’t feel pretty, or sexy, or slim, or hot or desirable and lack obvious confidence to the camera eye, you will be wasting your money and will like NONE of the photos.

    If you need an object lesson in this, watch Top Model a lot. A lot of the girls are pretty to begin with, but some are atypical as to the beauty norm. They will call them exotic looking. Through various artificial devices, they will make them over into a beauty commodities. Then the photo shoots start. The girls with the most confidence and strongest desire will outshine even the prettier ones. The girls that listen to the photogs and stylists and then give that something extra will rise above the others. For the most part, they are all pretty, have trim bodies, though not necessarily fit. But the lack of assertiveness and confidence will cause all but one to win. My point here, even a babe can fail when she can’t or won’t work the plan. A down to fighting weight Barbie doll who may way outshine you physically will not be able to pull it off because her confidence and desire are not strong enough.

    When you are ready, no matter what shape you are in or how may extra pounds you are carrying you need to attack the photo opportunity with one goal only: not to look perfect, but to look hot, erotic, exotic, desirable, tempting, teasing and slightly unattainable to the one the pictures are for. If you don’t feel it, it will show. Fake it till you make it applies here. Look at a lot of the photogs work, especially of BBW. You may not be as big as they are, but if he did it for them, he can do it for you. What you see in their eyes is what you want to show. Ask to see some of the less sucessful stuff. If he has really good stuff, he will have no problem showing you stuff that didn’t work. Study why it didn’t and don’t make those same mistakes. I he can make you look as good as his best work, or you can make yourself look as bad as his worst. The good guy will not be cheap, but the photos will be a treasure to the two of you always. Don’t go with the boy toy. Lousy pictures may not be the only mistake out of that situation.

    The fact you want to do it shows you have the desire, now find the confidence. You comments don’t show you have it yet. I want you to do it for not only him, but you too. But I want it to be sucessful and not further damage your self-image. I want you to be like those women at the end of the old “How to Look Good Naked” show with Carson Kressley. He would surprise them and show their galmour shots projected onto the side of a building and ask passerby’s to comment on them. The women were always emotionally overwhelmed by the positive comments of total strangers to their bodies and beauty. Let it be so for you. Have them print your favorite pose headless and post it here for praise and inspiration to the rest of the ladies. Perhaps, gasp, even a before and after. You can do it. We’re all pulling for you.

    • I am definitely gonna post before and after pics… I have come a long long way… but I know there is more work to do. But hey, I’m doing it! So it may not be tomorrow, but my pics are in the works! 🙂 Thanks for commenting. Now, if I could just get the hubby to get naked more often! 🙂

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