***The only good thing about having a heart in anguish is that you can write and write and write and never run out of things to say!***
I was merely a girl when I gave you my hand,
It was nearly twenty years ago and yet
I’ve managed to be faithful, every single day.
But I know how the game is played.
Hell, I’ve seen you play it.
Sneaking outside to talk on your cell phone,
Saying it was just this guy about a car.
Funny, I never interrupted your transmission talk before.
Suddenly it’s so hard to hear when I’m near you.
But I play along, hell, maybe I’ll play my own game.
Maybe I will play with fire,
and let you lay on top of me sweating, wondering
If you’re even the one who ignited my desire.
I was never a foolish girl.
I knew love wasn’t gonna be a fairytale,
I knew those were stories from girls like me,
Who gave their hands, their hearts, too hastily,
And then wondered what might’ve been
Had they held out for that one man-
I never believed the white horse would come along
But it’s here, waiting, wanting to whisk me away,
And yet, I’m stalling, wondering what you will say,
Wondering what kind of game you want to play…
Waiting to see if we can survive another way…
But I’m not a girl with youth on my side,
So hold on to my hand, or watch me ride.
I wrote that a while back. Kind of ironic, at the time I could never understand why my husband would even entertain the thought of cheating. He’s had his moments, for sure. And now, I am the one who entertains those thoughts, and suddenly I’m a total hypocrite for ever wondering why he would stray. Because as much as I still think he has no right to ever dream of another, I’ve caught myself wishing for a lover. But it’s that empty broken feeling I faced when I caught him astray that has kept me from crossing the line, and I wonder, on days like this when I’m left here all alone again, would he even fight for me if he knew he had competition?
Oh well, time to put on my poker face, act like it’s all ok, and wish the day away…