I have come to the conclusion that it is entirely possible to both love and hate your spouse all in the same week. Sometimes it happens all in the same day. Take the last few days for example. Sunday my husband helped me barbeque. He actually helped, not just lit the fire. He cooked ribs and chicken and sausage and he helped me peel the potatoes for potato salad. We worked that kitchen like we were a team, he even helped me pass out the kids plates and pour drinks.
I know, you’re wondering why this is a big deal… well, I ruined my husband. Years ago, we were young, we only had one kid. He worked hard in the heat, I had a cushy job at the mall. So I scrubbed his grime out of the tub, I washed his socks, I cooked every meal we ever ate, I ironed his shirts, I served him iced tea while he watched TV and at first it worked just fine.
Fast forward 17 years then add a whole lotta kids to the mix and life isn’t all sunshine and roses, yet he still looks for that sweet young girl to bring him an iced tea. Meanwhile I’m wondering if we could fit a margarita machine into our kitchen. Don’t you think margaritas are necessary when your house is over run by spoiled teenagers?
Oops, I gotta little side tracked, back to the story: after the barbecuing was done, we even got to watch a girlie movie. We watched “The Lucky One.” Now truth be told Nicholas Sparks isn’t exactly Shakespeare when it comes to writing. It seems to me that he almost has a template that he just fills in with the right amount of mushy shit, but for some reason I can get caught up in it.
I liked the Lucky One, I mean it was Zac Effron, and he’s losing those teenage looks and picking up that manly charm, and he was a marine, who played chess, and had a wildly romantic soul. The movie was full of gaps where I felt like there should have been more to the story, but unfortunately I have an imagination, so I was just picturing the Boyfriend. Boyfriend, best friend, I haven’t decided what to really call him. Anyway, wrong as it was I was snuggled up on that couch pretending that was me being kissed for 19 minutes at a time, and I couldn’t have been in a better mood. I was impressed that the hubby cooked, helped, and brought home a chick flick. You’d think he was 3 for 3.
But then, he has to go and screw it up. I swear being married to this man is like a roller coaster. It’s the highest highs and the deepest lows there are! It can be fun, but after a while, I’m just left feeling nauseous. So last night, I woke up with a bizarre cramp in my leg. The pain was unbearable. I was nearly in tears and I didn’t get back to sleep until after 3:30am. So 4am hits and my diva daughter had let her little doggie out. Somehow she lets out her little dog and goes right back to sleep and the darn thing goes around the house and barks at my window until good ole Mom and Dad let her in.
All the sudden I hear my hubby shouting my name. Finally I wake up enough to realize he wants me to let in the dog, and I told him about the pain in my leg. “You let the dog in” I pleaded, “I’m hurting.” So he immediately mimicked me like I was a whiny teenager, and then nudged me right off the bed. I wanted to kill him. We ended up in an argument, in which he got his foot stuck so far down his throat I hear he was still swallowing toes for lunch today. He’s offered 32 apologies, but I’m holding out for more than words of regret!
The sad thing is, I’m supposed to accept this as normal behavior. Stealing my heart one minute, biggest jackass the next. And now I know why little girls sit around pulling petals off all the little flowers, chanting, “he loves me, he loves me not…” because when it comes to being with a man, you never know what you’re gonna get!
And they wonder why it takes more than one of them to keep us happy???