Leave it to Cleavage

So I have a new favorite blog, it’s from a PUA. (That’s pick-up artist for those of us who didn’t realize there is a community dedicated to this shiznit!) First of all, this guy spends a fortune clubbing! He could feed my kids for a week in what he spends on a night out. But what really got my attention was the conversation going on in the comments. They were talking about those girls who just use guys to get a few drinks.

Uh-oh, I have been that girl! There’s no shame in my game. I can remember before I was even old enough to drink I was able to get into this little bar in town. I must’ve been about 19, 20 years old. I would go there on Friday nights and sit next to this one old man. Shame on me, I can’t remember his name. I’d walk up and flash him the biggest smile. Then I’d talk about all the things I’d been doing at work, throw in how I needed some extra money to get my car fixed. He’d steady order me drinks. We’d talk, and I’d be sure to do my best Marilyn Monroe sultry-eyed impression. I appear to be hanging on his every word. Sometimes he’d peel out a few extra twenties and tuck them in my pocket.  Gas money!

Here’s the thing every girl knows, or should know. All you gotta do is lean in a little. Stare deeply into his eyes. Smile. Laugh. Brush your hair out of your eyes and let it fall right back and there you’ve got him, hook, line, and sinker. You don’t have to be a supermodel, just pass out a few ego strokes and he’ll be wrapped around your finger. This was my Friday night magic for months. I’d go in that bar around 8 or 9, and by 11 he’d been giving me directions to his apartment, so I could come by and say hello to him sometime that next week. He always offered to pay me some extra money if I’d do the dishes or run the vacuum. I kind of got the feeling he was hoping I would sit on his lap and call him Daddy. Unfortunately I kept losing those darned directions. I don’t know how that happened??

By about 11, I would be pretty well buzzed and he was old, so surely it was his bedtime. I’d make my excuses, give a little hug to hold him over, and then my girls and I would hit the real clubs. The ones that were just getting started.

That was the routine, and it never failed. In fact, I can remember my much hotter sister being pissed off a time or two because once we hit the real clubs, there was always a man in line to take me home. I honestly think the reason I got more men than she did is because I smiled. That’s it… But I never went home with these guys. I was waiting.

I was waiting for my husband to realize I was the one for him. See, we met when he was still married, and even though she’d left him umpteen times and this time had filed for divorce, he wasn’t sure he’d ever love another. So, when he fell in love with me in a week, he scared the hell out of himself and he kept running. We’d get close, he’d take off. Finally I left, and waited for him to make his final decision.

I knew he’d choose me. I treated him like a king. And my oral skills are pretty much unbeatable. And I loved him, deeply. We had this connection that was completely unexplainable. So even though I had offers, I held out for the day he came running back.

Everyone thought I was crazy, everyone told me to move on, but in the end I was right. He did everything he could to make a life for us. But somewhere down this road he lost his passion for me. He started to see me as the babysitter, the housekeeper, the accountant. He quit seeing me as his red-hot lover. We got stuck in this rut where he ignored me in all the ways that I really needed him and I started packing on the pounds. I guess that’s what happens when you’re lonely all the time and always fixing mac-n-cheese for the kids. It catches up to your hips.

Then I hit 35, and I said “Oh hell no, I am no going down like this.” I learned the word diet, tortured myself at the Fitness Center, and even though I’m not quite Barbie, I’ve definitely brought sexy back. And I keep proving it to myself.

For example, in this little podunk town there’s not much to do, and sometimes I take my kids to the pawn shop to see what they’ve got in store. Usually we buy used Xbox games for my son.

Only, now the manager thinks I’m the cat’s meow. A year ago, he never noticed me, now I open the door and he says “hello Beautiful!” The games that used to be $9.95 are costing me $5, and all because I caught him staring at my cleavage and instead of slapping him silly, I laughed it off and said “Yep, I’m having a good bra day.” He calls me a tease, and to that I say “girls just want to have fun!”

So the other day I was folding clothes and my son says “Mom, put on that shirt (a white shirt with a deep v neckline) and let’s go to the pawn shop and get a game!” Guess my boy is no dummy!! He caught on to that pretty quickly!! Oopsie. I didn’t exactly think my child noticed me using cleavage to my advantage, but I guess he better realize that sometimes girl’s use their goodies to get the goods! He’s headed to high school, and I’d hate to see him get suckered into buying some cheerleader an ice cream every day at lunch.

By the way, did you know that pick-up artists have some rule against buying girls drinks? So ladies, if you’re at the bar, and he’s not paying, he thinks that’s gonna land him in your pants. Run, run fast! Stick to the old men with loose wallets, at least for the first half of your evening!! I’d love to see a PUA get one over on me. It’s too bad I’m married, because this whole idea of chasing down the hook-ups is a little bit entertaining. Guess for now I will have to settle for living vicariously through a few blogs and maybe, just maybe, I can convince my husband to get naked with me!

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45 thoughts on “Leave it to Cleavage

  1. Lol this article made me laugh,smile and wonder.

    Thanks for the shotout by the way.Appreciated.Good to hear that you warned your fellow females that we PUA’s are non-drink buyers who will seduce them in a heartbeat lol…

  2. BTW,kids are smart as hell lol!!

    For your son to pick up on that fact that mommy can gets things by wearing a certain article of clothing is pretty impressive lol!

  3. I love it. Just found your blog. That was me saying not to buy a girl’s drink so fast. Let’s be honest, I know a lot of ladies who are just trying to get drinks out of a man 🙂 But, believe it for not we DO want a real connection. We want someone that is interested in us and NOT our money. This is a great blog! I can’t wait to read more.

  4. Enjoying your posts. I love the thrill of catching someone focused on my girls! Looking forward to more stories and confessions and congrats on your weight loss, GOOD FOR YOU !!

  5. Great post! There’s no bigger turn off than a man who hits on me at a bar but fails to offer to buy a drink. Way to let a girl know that you’re a total cheap ass right off the bat.

    • Why does he have to buy you a drink at the bar? To buy your love? Why is that so important to women? This comment makes men feel that we are only good if we buy you things. You know what I mean?

      • Yea I know Tripp.Great point again.It’s like,why does he have to buy drinks?This is such a big deal for women that it boggles my mind.But at the end of the day,we stupid men who have set this trend for ages,are ultimately to be blamed for selling out
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

      • According to some random science of sex documentary on Netflix, many women look for men who can prove they can be a “provider” to them and their offspring. It goes back to primal stuff apparently.
        Personally, I just find it to be a classy move. Women like to be wooed. Yes, buying a drink begins the whole “wooing” process.

      • @Summer-Brilliant!

        We teach this in the seduction community also.Women chose to mate with men who have high survival and provider value.
        But buying drinks for women isn’t providing.This is totally a non factor in the provider role of evolutionary.
        But good thing you mentioned it though,being that we teach this at a basic level in picking up women.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

      • Indeed. It isn’t quite “providing,” but it still satisfies women to know that the man might not be a total cheapskate right off the bat. (Men need not be wealthy… but being a cheapskate is awful.)
        Many men go after attractive women with big boobs – they look more fertile and appear to have better genetics. It may not be the case, but it satisfies some sort of primal instinct.

      • I’m very confused on all this. I need some more explanation. So, if a guy doesn’t buy a girl a drink within the first 30 minutes of conversation then he is a cheapskate? Is a woman literally waiting the whole time during the interaction wondering when she will get the drink? Also, what if the interaction is amazing and you guys laugh and connect and he still doesn’t offer to buy a drink? Will you put him aside? I’m not trying to be difficult here, but just looking for answers. I understand the whole providing concept, but there are other ways than a measly drink at a bar. Should that be the deciding factor? Then on the other hand, I do understand the concept of chivalry and being a gentleman, but now that women are so concerned on being equal with men, I think that this whole buying a drink thing is a double standard of some sorts.

    • @Summer-Totally disagree.

      It all depends where the guy’s coming from when he buys that drink.

      If he’s doing it in order to buy your time,affection or conversation(as 95% of men do),then it’s a bad idea.

      But,if he’s like me,he’s not gonna buy a drink just because he’s been talking to her and feels he has to buy a drink or she’s be turned off.

      That’s a terrible mindset for a guy to have when trying to get with women.
      Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

      • I’m really not trying to hang up here and go men vs. women (totally cliche), but I have to agree with Kenny. Ladies, you don’t want a man to buy you a drink (at least in the first 30 minutes) then you know he has no other higher value to offer. Instead he’s trying to buy you a drink to keep you there. Not saying all men who buy women drinks have no value, but the ones that buy you one when you’ve earned it (i.e. made a deeper connection, talked for awhile, you proved you’re not trying to just get a drink out of him) are the true keepers.

        Plus, I thought we’ve evolved here. It’s not the 1960’s anymore. Where’s our drink? 😉

      • It may not be 1960s but since women still typically are underpaid and undervalued, I expect you to still open my door and buy my drink! Although I don’t expect a drink out of every conversation, if I’m hanging out with you, I expect you to offer!!

      • For sure, manners and chivalry are super important. I believe in holding the door open for other women, even paying on the first date! Women are still under valued? Where is that happening? Because, that’s a shame. I agree that a man should offer, but not for at least 30 minutes.

      • Women are definitely under valued! It happens everywhere, and all the time, and most of it is probably not even intentional, but on some subconscious level we’re treated completely different. So, if I have to endure the bad, I want the good to go with it!

      • I didn’t get notification of the latest one.Somehow,I haven’t been getting them.I’ll have to so what’s the deal.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

      • Expectations are meant to be crushed.
        I’m all about flipping the roles.I’ll have the girl buy me a drink instead.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

      • Nice exclamation Tripp.
        Plus,as a guy skilled in seduction,it’s no surprised Tripp that you mentioned OUR drink.I use the old Mystery line and say to the girl,”Why don’t you buy me a drink first then I’ll get the 2nd round”.Or,I don’t buy girls drinks on the 1st.date.Why don’t you buy me one”.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

      • Offering to buy a drink is just a gentlemanly gesture. Women appreciate it
        I’ve never “used” guys to buy me drinks at bars. If I’m not interested in the man, I don’t accept the drink. If I’m interested in the man, and he doesn’t bother to offer one drink after we’ve talked for awhile, then yes… I’ll probably be a bit turned off. Just being honest!

      • I’m with you Summer. I have used a guy or two for drinks when I was younger, I’m not gonna lie. It’s not a must for a man to buy me a drink to get my attention by any means, but if he’s cornered me in a bar and he’s chatting me up, and he didn’t offer to buy me a drink, I would think “tightwad” and I’d move on…

      • Kenny, if you’re still not getting my new posts try unfollowing and then follow me again, it may be because I switched up the name of my blog…. and I’m always down for a boys vs girls smackdown!

  6. Hahaha, really enjoyed the post … Reminded me that me and my friends in high school used to send in my little sister to the corner convenience store to buy our beer and wine. Even though she was 16 she had quite an ample bosom she was happy to exploit in exchange for a cut of the booze. My college girlfriend would do the same thing for us when we were both still underage 🙂

  7. Pingback: Thanksgiving kisses To All My Female Bloggers [Kenny Loves Y'all]!!! « Kenny PUA: “Get Laid By Being Social”

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